Happy National Mascot Day

 June 17th is National Mascot Day!  Our mascots come in all different shapes, sizes and breeds.  In sports alone, we get bears, Chickens, baseballs, Phanaticas and whatever the hell Gritty is.  They play to crowds and amuse children, bringing joy to millions.  Unfortunately, it’s too hot to break out my mascot outfit to celebrate so instead we watched Girls Nite Out.  Girls Nite Out centers on a sorority’s annual scavenger hunt which takes place over two autumn nights.  As the sisters hunt for items, someone in a mascot costume is hunting them.  As the body count rises and stories of Dickie Cavanugh spread, campus security officer Jim MacVey is determined to stop the killings and catch Dickie but is it actually an escaped mental patient?  Are short shorts cool?  Do you trust guys nicknamed Maniac?  Read the blog and watch Girls Nite Out for the answers to these and many more (too many?) burning questions.

Questions

JON:  Did you know Al Maguire, who plays the coach, was a real basketball coach?  He won a National Championship at Marquette.

SANDY:  I did not know that, but it makes sense since he wasn't a very good actor. He definitely seemed like someone who was acting like a basketball coach though.

JON:  He was exactly as good an actor as he needed to be.  Can you imagine there was a time when it was ok to smoke in a hospital?

SANDY:  I can imagine it, though it seems absolutely fucking bananas to me.

JON:  Do we want action or no?

SANDY:  Always, sucka. Except when we only want to hide somewhere in total isolation, which in my case is roughly 94% of the time.

JON:  What’s a basketball game without action?  Of course we want action.  Did they get the mascot outfit at a dollar store?  

SANDY:  Hahaha, hey.... Benson made that himself in Arts & Crafts 101. He tried his best, Jon!

JON:  He’s at best the 3rd best Benson I can think of off the top of my head.  Definitely behind Robert Guillame and Benson and Hedges.  Short or long shorts for men? 

SANDY:  WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS? HE WEARS SHORT SHORTS! I want men to wear shorts so short their balls might randomly fall out of the leg holes at any moment.

JON:  As someone who lived through the last time short shorts were cool, I say hell no.  No one, including you, really wants to see that fad come back.  Does he make an asshole of himself in the bear suit? 

SANDY:  I'm guessing he makes an asshole out of himself both in and out of the bear suit. I think it's just the nature of frat boys in movies especially. 

JON:  If you have sex with your second cousin and it hurts to sit down after, did you do it right? 

SANDY:  The very first part of that sentence negates the possibility of anything written after it being right in any way. "If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family" was something my cousin once said to me as a joke, HOWEVER, don't do that. No fucking family members.

JON: Aren’t we all related on some genetic level though?  So we need to establish a line at some point hers was second cousin.  Cleave the Beaver? 

SANDY:  Hahaha, I liked "Lions and Tigers and Beavers, oh my!" But seriously though, yeah, chop that shit to bits. Gore it up!

JON:  I don’t think Ward and June would approve.  Is there a horror movie job that ensures your death anymore than gravedigger? 

SANDY:  What other movies have gravediggers been killed in that it feels like a guaranteed death sentence to you? I'm drawing a blank.

JON:  I can only think of one movie where they survive and that’s Halloween.  Otherwise, if you see a cemetery employee of any kind, don’t get too attached.  How good of a murder plan is burying the bodies in an already dug grave? 

SANDY:  It actually seems pretty smooth, as long as the grave isn't being dug for a funeral the next day or something.

JON:  Does Maniac look like Jeff Spicoli’s older brother Warren? 

SANDY:  I had to look that name up because I had no idea who the fuck you were talking about. I've seen Fast Times At Ridgemont High, I just rarely remember names from movies. And yes, he does! Haha!

JON:  I went through a period of time during which I wanted to be Jeff Spicoli then this morning I woke up wanting to be Tommy Chong.  Do you believe in magic?  That song was stuck in my head for weeks after the first time I saw this movie. 

SANDY:  I was stuck singing the Summer in the City song, but I do like Do You Believe in Magic as well.

JON:  Are those guys definitely strange? 

SANDY:  I'm not even sure which guys you're referring to, but I'm going to go ahead and say yes.

JON:  How cute are Teddy and Maniac together? 

SANDY:  Oh man, I love those two. The effing costumes they went to the party together in?! What a great couples costume idea! With one alteration... it should really be a dom walking someone in a gimp suit.

JON:  Is Ralph Where’s Waldo’s brother? 

SANDY:  I. FUCKING. LOVE. RALPH. I wasn't getting Waldo vibes from him, but he was definitely my favorite character from the whole movie.

JON:  Do you think it’s possible that weed will become so mainstream that it’s no longer a guaranteed horror movie death? 

SANDY:  Yes! Didn't it give EXTRA strength to the dude in Idle Hands? Wait... he was already dead though. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, sex is pretty mainstream but that always seems to be an absolute death sentence in any horror film.

JON:  Sex, especially pre-marital, is such an easy boogeyman though.  I’m thinking weed being as mainstream as cigarettes used to be.  No one dies in horror movies from a Marlboro.  Save the alligator… eat a preppie? 

SANDY:  I am totally drawing a blank on the alligator reference, but I'm all for eating preppies.

JON: Preppies loved their polo style shirts and aside from Polo the other big company was Izod and their mascot was an alligator stitched on the breast.   Do you have love in your tummy?  What does love in your tummy feel like?  Is it just code for jizz?  Yummy yummy I got jizz in my tummy? 

SANDY:  I think it's supposed to be code for the excitement butterflies that happen when you're crushing on someone, but you can't taste those. Though I've never encountered someone who actually thought jizz tasted "yummy".

JON: I don’t think you’re running in the right crowds then.  “Let’s go drink some women”? 

SANDY:  Like p*ssy juice? Or like slit their throats and drink their blood?

JON: I took it to mean breast milk but who knows?  Maybe frat boys are all vampires.  How soon did you start to wonder how this movie afforded all these song rights?

SANDY:  I didn't think about that at all actually, but I was digging the soundtrack.

JON: Does the killer need the mascot outfit more than Benson?  Couldn’t he have just asked?

SANDY:  It definitely would have been wayyyyy more polite of the killer to just ask for the outfit, but I doubt Benson would have parted with it willingly.

JON:  No, Benson seemed to enjoy being a mascot to give it up but maybe a simple threat would have worked.  Or a promise to bring it back and have it laundered.  Is “How come you act like such an ass when you’re drunk?” a necessary question?

SANDY:  I would say no, but I'm not a ditzy blond college girl. That chick was one of the blond ones, ja?

JON: Weren’t they all ditzy blonde girls?  Ever had a dutch oven?

SANDY:  Yes, but only because I've accidentally done it to myself.

JON:  I was referring to the pot but jeez, what kind of lunatic farts under their sheets and smells it themselves?  Again with the man going to check the noise?  Isn’t it chauvinistic?

SANDY:  I mean, she ASKED him not to go, and then went out after him. So no.

JON:  It is absolutely reinforcing archaic gender roles.  From now on, I am all for the woman going to check the noise.  Did Mike get a black eye from a slap?  

SANDY:  Yes. Makes me wish someone had slapped him in his useless saggy dick.

JON:  He deserved to be slapped for what he said but his girlfriend was hooking up with another guy right in front of him.  His rage was kind of justified.  How much class does Hal Holbrook add to a movie?

SANDY:  All the class that's in this movie belongs to him.

JON:  Is there only one part of Teddy Ratliff that is going to grow?

SANDY:  No, this is false. His hair and fingernails will most likely continue to grow until he dies. I believe we keep growing skin too, as we shed old dead skin like a muthafukkin' lizard.

JON:  Does your baby do the hanky panky?

SANDY:  I don't have a baby, Jon. BUT if I did, they'd be doing the HENKE panky... aaaahhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa.

JON:  Ugh.  If you had a PO box how often would you check it?

SANDY:  Oh, that's easy. The answer is never. I would never check it. Actually... do I already have a PO box somewhere? I'm going to say I don't.

JON: I lived right across the street from mine and checked it once a month at best.   Does this DJ just play the same songs over and over?

SANDY:  They blew the music budget on 3 songs, so that's what he's got to work with.

JON:  Or maybe he just really likes those 3 songs and he assumes there’s only 4 people listening and just does the show so he can hear his favorite songs.  I always thought that was what DJs did anyway.  How terrifying would it be for the last thing you see to be a shitty bear mascot costume?

SANDY:  I feel like it would be both terrifying and pretty confusing. Not as terrifying as an angry deer chasing you through the woods though.

JON:  I’d take the deer over the mascot.  You can punch the deer and it’ll run away.  A mascot wouldn’t even feel a punch.  Is it a first date if only one of you knows it?

SANDY:  I think that's how all of my first dates have worked?

JON: I think that’s how you get restraining orders.  Isn’t it MacVey’s job to investigate clues and not the DJ’s?

SANDY:  Maybe the DJ was just really bored. Afterall, he only had three songs to play.

JON:  Was Benson really that much of a catch?

SANDY:  Benson was a borderline Furry rapist. So no.

JON:  I didn’t really get rapist from him.  He was more nerdy guy hiding in a costume hoping that he would find a furry lover of his own.  Who do you think is killing everyone?

SANDY:  I totally thought it was Mike Pryor at first, even though I also thought that would be the "too obvious" choice.

JON:  I assumed it was going to be Maniac especially with the way they presented him as an important character in the beginning and then he just disappeared.  “Dickie Cavanaugh you bastard. You’re locked away.”?

SANDY:  Hahaha, that was a great line with an even greater delivery. Fucking Hal Holbrook.

JON:  Which is a more important distinction- shoes vs. sneakers or recent manicure or not?

SANDY:  Shoes versus sneakers for sure. Can't climb a tree in some smooth-soled lady boots.

JON: But you wouldn’t want to climb a tree if your nails weren’t on point.   Do you automatically assume the guy with the nickname “Maniac: is the killer?

SANDY:  I wondered about that briefly, but he really didn't strike me as anything other than a heartbroken sad fella. Which is exactly what he was. Poor Maniac.

JON:  Did you assume Benson’s first name was Benson?

SANDY:  No, I thought they were just calling him by his last name like they do so often in movies when guys are referring to each other. As if using someone's first name makes you a p*ssy.

JON:  That’s far from something that only guys do.  I get it as often from women as men.  It’s definitely not because we think it makes you a pussy to use someone;s first name.  Are they really treating anyone that was at that party as credible witnesses?  They were all annihilated.

SANDY:  No one at that party is going to be able to help with being witnesses to anything.

JON:  Except for giving directions to the keg.  How lame is “I’m listening to this” as an excuse to not fool around?

SANDY:  Hahaha, it's pretty lame. And pretty suspicious, honestly.