Ice Cream Man-1995
Ice Cream Man is the story of Gregory Tudor and his ice cream truck business. Gregory, played by Clint Howard- the best of the acting, directing, producing, Howard family (I may have an inordinately great admiration for Clint), was inspired to be an ice cream man by his idol The Ice Cream King. Unfortunately for both the king and Gregory, the Ice Cream King is gunned down and dies in young Gregory’s arms. The murder may be drug related but that doesn’t really matter what matters is its impact on poor Gregory. Gregory spends much of the rest of his youth in an asylum being told that every day is a happy day. Adult Gregory fulfills his lifelong dream and opens his own ice cream truck and begins to serve his community the unique flavors he specializes in. Cockroach pistachio, dog and eyeball Rocky Road are among his treats. When a child goes missing, other local children, part of a gang called the Rocketeers, become suspicious of Gregory. Soon Small Paul of the Rocketeers is pulled into the truck while his friend Tuna merely watches. Gregory tells Tuna he is only bringing Small Paul to the hospital but Paul never makes it to a hospital. Soon the other Rocketeers and the local police are pursuing investigations into Gregory and his boutique ice cream truck. Any more details would spoil the movie but the situation devolves into ice cream coated madness.
There are many wonderful moments in this movie. The slogan on the back of the truck changes from day and night- Watch Out For Children to Watch Out Children. Adultery can lead to your head being the ice cream in a waffle cone.Gregory, all 5’7 of him briefly convinces members of the Rocketeers that he iis a six foot plus tall wannabe police officer and later puts on a puppet show with the heads of two actual cops. Gregory, like Clint Howard, is an underrated icon of horror.
How It Ties In With the Holiday
Ummmmmmm it’s a killer ice cream man and he definitely serves a variation of vanilla.
Lessons
Always say please. It’s a big deal to Gregory and it should be a big deal to you. Politeness goes a long way.
Eyeballs make perfect substitutes for marshmallows. If you run out of marshmallows in a pinch an eyeball will do. Try it the next time you make S’Mores.
You can’t just jump on women you have to charm them. I don’t think I need to explain this we all understand right?
Assault On Precinct 13
John Carpenter’s 2nd full length, before Halloween, centers on a gang laying siege to a soon to be closed police station. A violent police raid on the gang the night before has lit a fue and the gang is cruising the streets of the Anderson section of LA looking for trouble. The gang shoots and kills a young girl. The girl’s father gets his revenge killing the gang member who killed his daughter. He then runs to the nearest police station which just happens to be the soon to be closed station. Also arriving is a busload of prisoners being transferred including the debonair, Napoleon Wilson. The gang surrounds the station and soon inmates, secretaries and police officers are fighting side by side to hold off the gang invasion.
Assault on Precinct 13 still manages to be fun. When Officer Ethan Bishop is offered coffee “Black” he responds “For over thirty years.” Napoleon Wilson is determined to bum a smoke off anyone and everyone.
How It Ties In With the Holiday
If you have seen the movie, you know I left out an important detail about the murder of the girl. She had been bothering her father for food and he finally gave her money to go to an ice cream truck where she ordered a vanilla twist cone. Unfortunately for her, the gang was in the process of beating and robbing the driver. She manages to get her ice cream safely but realizes she did not get her vanilla twist. She returns to complain only to be shot.
https://youtu.be/K7CQ6G0ILFQ
Lessons
“You can’t argue with a confident man”-Napoleon Wilson. I guess you could argue with a confident man, but you won’t get anywhere.
Playing one potato, two potato is how tough guys and hardened criminals make decisions therefore it is completely acceptable for you to use it too. Who should clean the cat litter? Potatoes. Who’s buying dinner? Potatoes.
Special Overall Holiday Lesson
Buying ice cream from a dilapidated, greasy truck is never a good decision. Even if you have fond childhood memories of that annoying song and the frozen treats it contains stay the fuck away. You never know if it’s a front for a drug dealer, if there are body parts in the ice cream or if the truck is a target for a vengeful gang. And it’s really overpriced. Save your wallet and your life and buy your ice cream elsewhere.
