Happy National Movie Night!

 June 10th is National Movie Night!  If ever there was a day for this blog, this is it.  Celebrate and watch movies?  That’s us, and we couldn’t think of a better movie to watch than Fade To Black.  Eric Binford is movie obsessed.  He constantly quotes movies, spouts movie trivia, talks like characters and watches movies non-stop. One year, he went to 3 movies every day and didn’t miss a day.  When Eric meets Marilyn, who bears a passing resemblance to Marilyn Monroe, he is obviously smitten.  He convinces her to go on a date with him but when she forgets about the date and stands him up, Eric begins a rapid downward spiral into mayhem and murder.  Can Eric be stopped?  Are mummies scary?  Watch Fade To Black tonight and read the blog to find out.

Questions

Jon: Is Eric’s aunt competent to care for anything living?

Alison: Is she the most obnoxious aunt ever? Eric clearly has put up with this for a long time.

Jon: She very well could be the most obnoxious “aunt” ever.  She’s among the most obnoxious characters in movies.  The way she bounces between denigration, mocking and infrequent affection is really damaging.  Has she looked at herself lately? Hell would be an improvement.

Alison: To be fair, he does look awful.

Jon: Is it at all appropriate to remind Eric that his “sweet” mother died giving birth to him as part of criticizing him?

Alison: Of course not. She’s actively creating a serial killer.

Jon: Is movie trivia worthless information?

Alison: No. No, not at all.

Jon: Well thank goodness.  Does anyone treat Eric with any respect?

Alison: No. I feel bad for him initially because everyone is just yelling at him and he seems like a sweet kid.

Jon: Does Dr. Moriarty have a “thick skull for an Irishman”?

Alison:That really confused me until I realized the chief’s name is Gallagher. It’s still super old-timey racist though. Would you like your office to be in the former drunk tank, Jon?

Jon: I wouldn’t be opposed as long as it remained the former drunk tank.  If they started putting drunks in there, I’m out.  Would you flirt with Dr. Moriarty?

Alison: Noooooo. Porn stache is not my thing.

Jon: Remember the Scarsdale Diet? Do you remember it for anything other than a murder?

Alison: I do remember it and no, not for anything other than murder.

Jon: It was basically a high protein, low carb, fad diet.  You only get 1,000 calories a day and one of the meals is a lot of steak and vegetables.  That murder was 42 years ago.  Does Eric’s diet make you gag?

Alison: It's pretty bad but entirely appropriate for his character.

Jon: How do you guess the Wolfman from green and slimy as a hint?

Alison: From watching too many Marilyn Monroe movies and not enough Universal Monsters. How surprisingly good is Eric’s game?

Jon: It wasn’t that great.  He got to drive her home but he wasn’t memorable enough for her to not go on a date with someone else and forget about her date with Eric.  Does Marilyn lick her lips an inordinate number of times?

Alison: Maybe? I guess it’s part of the Marilyn schtick. I mean I’m impressed. By the way, how obviously jealous is her friend?

Jon: I didn’t see her as jealous so much as possessive and overprotective.  She’s basically Marilyn’s mom.  Is “Life just one damn thing after another”?

Alison: Yes. That’s pretty much how it goes until you’re dead.

Jon: Well aren’t you just a ball of cheer.  Is Dr. Moriarty the coolest guy to ever play the harmonica?

Alison: Nope. The bump at the end is very interesting!

Jon: The lie detector determined that was a lie.  Dr. Moriarty is in fact the coolest harmonica player.  What do you suppose they were using the Ritz Cracker for in the bed?

Alison: Saving a snack for later. Was that right after his cocaine-fueled harmonica performance? Doesn't that… prevent… performance?

Jon: Nope.  Maybe long term but in the immediate aftermath I think it might be no worse than neutral.  That’s why we have hooker and blow parties.  Would you join the “Snatch Squad?”

Alison:I am already a card-carrying member. You do not want to see our official flag.

Jon: I designed that flag.  Does Eric only smoke because he sees it in the movies?

Alison: Yes. I think he was born without a personality so he had to learn how to “people” from movies.

Jon: If your name is Marilyn should you be a platinum blonde?

Alison: I think so. If I think about a brunette Marilyn it doesn’t seem right. How freaked out are you if you get “you’ll always be mine” from someone you definitely don’t know?

Jon: No more freaked out than when we got the letter written by a child talking about being a “raepist of mothers.” Why did Marilyn blow Eric off for that tool?

Alison: She’s an airhead. By the way, that guy she’s on a date with is absolutely also the blind date guy from Singles, only ten years earlier. The one the girl’s roommate ends up with. Where does watching someone get stood up fall on the cringe scale?

Jon: Just below watching someone not be able to get a hard on but above premature ejaculation.  How deflating is it to get rejected by a hooker?

Alison: Yo I could not wait for her to die. She was so fucking rude.

Jon: Do you believe Aunt Stella is sorry?

Alison: I had the exact same question written. So, no, she is not. Is there something super sexually abuse-y going on with Eric and Stella too?

Jon: I didn’t get a lot of sexual abuse but she more than made up for that in emotional abuse.  Is Eric’s entire life based on what he sees in movies?

Alison: Yes. He cannot function without the persona he has learned and developed. Would you hire Cody Jarret for your kids’ face painting party?

Jon: As long as he paints all the faces to look like Eric’s creepy ass Hopalong Cassidy mask then I’m all in.  Does a priest need a limo?

Alison: If he is an asshole, I guess. I don’t even know how they get paid. Was that the most embellished eulogy ever?

Jon: Aren’t all eulogies embellished?  You rarely hear someone get up there and talk about what a brutal asshole Stella was and how she destroyed Eric.  It’s always platitudes and fondness,  Does God still believe in Eric?

Alison: Nnnnnnope.

Jon: Is that the only time book burning is appropriate?

Alison: Why? Don’t you believe carrots can make you well, Jon?

Jon: No I don’t.  Carrots are loud and gross and don’t get me started on carrot cake.  That’s not a cake.  That’s secret health food.  Has a crazy person ever been so crazy that they made you think you were the crazy one?

Alison: Yes. I have unfortunately met a lot of crazy people.

Jon: I married one of them.  Is Marilyn taking her very slight resemblance to Marilyn Monroe too far?

Alison: Apparently that’s what that actress was known for, so I guess it makes sense for the character to take it to a strange level. How did Eric find where Marilyn lives? Did he just want her autograph?

Jon: He knew where she worked so I would imagine he just followed her home to get her autograph while she took a shower.  The Psycho elements were fun.  Why would you run away from your car?

Alison: Because you’re a dumb mean hooker.

Jon: Why is she running at all?

Alison: Same answer. Again, how did he know where to find her?

Jon: Again, he knew where she worked and probably followed her.  The hooker’s death isn’t a murder though.  How cool are you if you steal prizes from a carnival?

Alison:You’re a total dick, actually. Does it take a special actor to make you care for the antihero?

Jon: That and a special script.  Why is Richie obsessed with Eric?

Alison: He secretly thinks he’s hot.

Jon: More overalls???

Alison: Yes. And the most frightening Hopalong Cassidy ever. Whyyyyyy does Richie not run away with his friend?

Jon: Because it would ruin his tough guy image.  Does James Luisi always play a cop who doesn’t want outside help?

Alison: Yes, and I say that not really knowing who he is but totally knowing I’ve seen him in this role before. 

Jon: I’m thinking The Rockford Files specifically but I feel like everything I’ve ever seen him in he plays a stressed out cop who resents you and will vehemently reject your help.

Alison: Are cops paid to suspect everybody and capture nobody?

Jon: Those are the primary job responsibilities of the movie cop. Is the actor who plays Gary Bially Chevy Chase’s brother Mercedes Chase?

Alison: Hahhahaha. I have written here, is Gary Bially the most delicious producer ever? 

Jon: No Gary Bagel is way more delicious.

Alison: How grossed out by payphones are you now? I can’t believe I ever used those. 

Jon: I miss payphones.  They were gross and got very expensive if you needed to talk for more than 3 minutes and often were out of order but there’s the draw of nostalgia.

Alison: Where did Eric get an actual Tommy gun? 

Jon: It was probably just lying around his house.  

Alison: Why does Gary Bially not think he’s part of “everybody” when Eric says “everybody out?”

Jon: Gary Bially was so accustomed to being treated as somebody important that he forgot he was part of everybody.  “She’s dead you jerk”?

Alison: She sure is!

Jon: Why does Marty want Eric’s ass?

Alison: That's such a problematic phrase.

Jon: Does a mummy really need a flashlight?

Alison: I was wondering what the hell was going on there. Is Eric a convincing mummy? I think he pulls off each character amazingly well.

Jon: He should be good at it.  He probably watched the movie dozens of times.  Has anyone ever been more scared of a mummy than Marty?

Alison: That’s the reaction everyone had to those monsters. The whole backing away and falling over shit thing. What drug do you think Eric is feeding Marilyn?

Jon: Probably some late 70s version of Ruhipnol.  Is Stacy Marilyn’s friend or her mom?

Alison: Ah yes, quaaludes. She’s her mousy friend. Seriously, how terrible are Marilyn’s instincts?

Jon: I think her instincts are overwhelmed by her ambition.  I think deep down she knew going to the “photographer” late at night was a bad idea but the opportunity was too good.  So Stella lied to Eric his whole life?

Alison: Apparently. That’s what happened to Ted Bundy too. This is a classic serial killer setup. How much fun do you think Dennis Christopher had being this character?

Jon: I would imagine that role was a lot of fun to play.  Is cutting through the gas station parking lot really knowing a shortcut?

Alison: Not really. Shortcut implies a longer distance, not one directional change. What part of “don’t shoot unless he shoots” did that guy not understand?

Jon: I blame the order more.  Don’t shoot unless he does is a good way to get shot.  If it were me, I would have done the same thing.  Is “Binford you’re out of your fucking mind” going to convince anyone to drop a gun?

Alison: Seemed like a strange tactic to me. Is Gallagher there to help Binford?

Jon: If by help you mean throw him in jail for the rest of his life, then yes.  How subtle is calling Dr. Moriarty Sherlock?

Alison: Hahahahaah not at all subtle. Did Binford ultimately get exactly what he wanted?

Jon: Based on his love for Cody Jarrett, he got exactly what he wanted.  If you are that obsessed with movies, you should get to die the same way as your favorite character does, 

Lessons

Pay off your debts.

Don't forget about your date.

Love movies but recognize the difference between life and art.