Happy National Beer Day!

 

April 7th is National Beer Day!!!  I love beer in all its amber, sudsy goodness.  Sadly beer and my stomach do not get along well anymore so I can’t down a 12 pack or 2 like I used to, so instead we celebrated with a movie: Feast.  Feast was born out of the Project Greenlight, a series designed to aid first time filmmakers produced by A-listers like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.  When a remote desert bar falls under attack by a family of ferocious creatures, the patrons' only hope for survival is to fight back. With this group of drinkers, hope seems very dim.  Can they survive the night, or will they all be humped and killed by monsters?  Grab some beer, read the blog and watch feast for the answer to those questions and so many more you never knew you’d have.

Questions

JON:  How great is a “My Other Toy has Tits” bumper sticker?

SANDY:  Haha, an instant classic. Maybe not quite as delightfully horrifying as the one my Dad used to have that read “I’m not a gynecologist but I’ll take a look.” Worst/best bumper stickers you’ve ever had or seen in person?

JON:  I’m partial to anything that involves mocking your honor student.  Would you want to be known as the poor man’s Tony Robbins? 

SANDY:  No, but I wouldn’t want to be known as the rich man’s Tony Robbins either. I forgot who they were referring to with that comment, was it Henry Rollins’ character?

JON:  Sure was.  He was supposed to be some kind of self-help, motivational guru guy.  How recently would be too recently to have blown Mick Jagger? 

SANDY:  Any time within the last 30 or 40 years at least, I’d say. How recently would be too recently to have blown Keith Richards?

JON:  From my perspective, ever blowing Keith Richards would be too recent.  Are you down with OPP because Vet is? 

SANDY:  As a general rule overall that’s a big fat no for me. If people want to have open relationships and everyone involved knows what’s up and respects each other’s boundaries and whatnot, fucking go for it. I’m not into telling anyone how they should live their lives, but if you’re going to be in a relationship where one of you believes it’s exclusive and you’re going to do whatever you want anyway, then maybe just don’t be in a relationship at all. Also, I was today years old when I learned what OPP actually stands for. How irresponsible and naive was it for Honey Pie to meet Coach at that bar, knowing he wasn’t from around there, and just trust him to be her “escort” even before his wedding ring plopped out of his wallet?

JON:   I only ask because that’s Treach from Naughty By Nature.  I think the flaw in Honey Pie’s plan wasn’t meeting or trusting Coach, it was doing it in that shit hole of a bar.  That’s the kind of place where you get STDs from the toilets even if you stand.  Is there any chance you’re going to remember all these names? 

SANDY:  I can’t remember all the names when there are only 3 characters in a movie. I do dig the little stat pop ups though. Reminds me of Zombieland and Snatch. REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO SEE ZOMBIELAND 6 TIMES IN THE JV MALL MOVIE THEATER?

JON:   Was it only 6?  Seems like it was a lot more.  How much do you want to meet Bossman? 

SANDY:  If by “meet” you mean pour ghost pepper sauce all over his hands and naked crotch and then castrate him with a spoon and force feed his own ghost pepper dick and balls to him with only a glass of Carolina reaper pepper juice nearby for him to drink, then I have to say I’d like to “meet” him pretty badly. (By the way, the ghost pepper sauce is on his hands for when he goes to rub his eyes or comfort the gaping wounds where his genitals once were.) What’s the spiciest hot pepper you’ve ever eaten or tried in a sauce?

JON:   You’ve developed quite an alarming castration fetish.  I couldn’t tell you what kind of peppers they were, but back in my 20s I used to put the hottest hot sauces I could find on everything.  Snootchie Bootchies? 

SANDY:  There were some gems in the cast for this movie. Jason Mewes being one of them for sure, despite having a rather short and limited role. How about Judah Friedlander? Perfect role for him?  

JON:   It’s really the only type of role he should ever play.  Except maybe the Tom Hanks role in a remake of Sleepless in Seattle alongside Kirsten Dunst.  Do you believe Cody will live a wonderful, full life? 

SANDY:  No. Well, I wanted to until the Hero came in and was immediately decapitated despite his life expectancy stat. Guess those stats were just for show. I was still a little tiny bit surprised when Cody went though. Did you fall for the stats initially when you first watched it?

JON:   Not really although some of them are accurate.  A bloody guy with a shotgun walks into a bar… finish the joke. 

SANDY:  A bloody guy with a shotgun walks into a bar and says “barkeep, give me two shots of whiskey and a round on me for everyone, I just finalized my divorce.” Too dark? Let’s hear yours, bitte.

JON:   A bloody guy with a shotgun walks into a bar and immediately gets eaten by a monster.  Are Ginsu knives still a thing? 

SANDY:  I looked it up to be sure, and yes they are. There’s even a set on Amazon for $50. Go get your knife on, Jon. 

JON:   Amazon doesn’t allow me to buy knives anymore.  Something about dead Friday night dinner people.  If that’s the guy who is going to save their asses, how fucked are they on a scale of 1-26? 

SANDY:  Like a 27, assuming 26 is super fucked. Did Mewes’ character give new meaning to the term “face off”?

JON:   *Insert rim shot.  Ugh that’s brutal.  Can Cody successfully stay in the closet? 

SANDY:  If only. That’s the one time I’d definitely have suggested someone not come out of the closet. What a fucking maroon. At least his dumb ass is out of the gene pool now in that fictional world. Kid, schmidd. Survival of the fittest, Jon. No room for dopes.

JON:   He wasn’t really any safer in the closet than out.  That kid was fucked as soon as he appeared.  Besides, having to wear headphones so you don’t have to listen to your mom bang a fat scumbag in the next room messes a kid up.  Not really his fault.  No more OPP?

SANDY:  Guess not. Doesn’t seem like anyone else in there has a significant other to cheat on. Do you think the movie was filled with so many scumbag men because the Weinsteins were involved in producing it and that’s all they know? There were some pretty ironically fishy similarities going on. 

JON:   No I think everyone in the movie was intentionally an over-the-top caricature.  The only super scummy guy was Bossman anyway.   How fucked up of a visual is that creature humping a mounted deer head? 

SANDY:  That was disturbing. Did the second baby creature hump that explodey woman’s mouth before they blew her up, or did I misinterpret that scene?

JON:   It sure did.  Those were some super horny monsters.  How awful would it be to get covered in the green mouth jizz from that thing? 

SANDY:  No thank you. Twice it happened for Judah! That shit looked like avocado aioli. Why wasn’t Cody what came out of that things mouth when it projectile-vomited across the room?

JON:   I think the mouth jizz is more salivary and defensive than intestinal.  Which is worse- green mouth jizz or maggots?

SANDY:  Definitely the green mouth jizz. Because that shit goes all over you, plus the maggots only appeared after the jizz, which would suggest to me that the jizz came first. Pun intended. How would you rate the splatter in this movie, gore and gross-out wise?

JON:   Definitely above average.  Worst hand job ever? 

SANDY:  Refresh my memory on the “hand job” scene?

JON:   The monster that they thought was dead in the freezer punched through and latched onto Bossman’s little boss.  Is this a species standoff? 

SANDY:  I don’t know. What parameters need to be met for it to be a species standoff? Does it have to be an entire species vs another entire species, or does it count for any confrontation between creatures of any two different species? Like is a bear vs a salmon a species standoff?

JON:   If Henry Rollins says it’s a species standoff, it’s a species standoff.  Can you fuck with man? 

SANDY:  Yes definitely for sure. I mean, we absolutely take it to an extreme level whenever possible if we feel threatened, (at least as nations), but we’re still ultimately just meat. Do you have a favorite man vs beast or creature movie? If so, tell us more please!

JON:   It’s among my favorite subgenres.  Alligator, Grizzly, Jaws, Lake Placid, Anaconda, King Kong, Piranha.  I could go on.  Monster Sex!!! 

SANDY:  Do you think the two monsters fucking each other were Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in costume? Because they were producers on this movie too and I’d be very disappointed if that wasn’t them. 

JON:   I will always believe that it was even if there is demonstrable proof it wasn’t.  Do women like when you tell them there’s no need to get menstrual? 

SANDY:  Yes, but not as much as when we’re told to calm down or called “girls”. Hahahaha, HOW MANY POINTS DO I GET FOR THE CALLBACK TO OUR APRIL FOOLS POST??? It’d better be good.

JON:   Not as many as I get for my Friday Night Dinner killing callback but I’ll give you 2.  Is the old lady right about sitting still and not looking like food? 

SANDY:  She seemed to be doing fairly well throughout the entire ordeal, so maybe. I’d definitely have wanted to follow her into that storage closet, though in the end I guess that wasn’t as smart a decision as it initially appeared to be. Do you think she really did know one thing about those things, or was she just old and drunk enough to not give much of a fuck about anything?

JON:   Maybe she just couldn’t get the taste of Mick jizz out of her mouth so she just didn’t give a fuck about living.   How pissed is that dickless monster going to be? 

SANDY:  Well, assuming that dick also contained his urethra, NOT VERY PISSED AT ALL…. GET IT?!?! Because his pee-hole is gone?!?! Aaaaahhhhahahahahaha. Or would he be more pissed because the pee would just leak out of the open hole? Jon, how do men who lose their weiners in an accident or an attack pee out of their newly shaped pee-hole wounds? I want medical specifics, Google that shit pleasandthankyou.

JON:   I’m not a urologist but I would imagine they shit or have a tube inserted in the dick stump.  How many of these motivational speeches do you think Henry Rollins will survive? 

SANDY:  I was having a lot of nervous flashbacks to Samuel L. Jackson’s speech scene in Deep Blue Sea. Long speeches when time is of the essence for survival never usually goes over well in movies. What’s the best speech-death scene you’ve come across out of all the movies you’ve watched?

JON:   Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea by a mile.  Mensa Monsters!!!! 

SANDY:  Soooo, are we in agreement that despite having an almost obscene amount of high profile producers for this movie, the monsters wore those animal skulls and covers to save money on prosthetics and special effects makeup for most of the scenes they appeared in that weren’t super close up? Because if they were supposed to be super smart monsters, they wouldn’t be wearing an obviously dead animal if trying to lure victims closer. What’s your take on that?

JON:   It’s camouflage.  You saw what they looked like without the skulls on.  They’re ugly as fuck.  Or maybe they need to wear the skulls to hide their ugliness so they can bump monster parts.   Is his eye getting better? 

SANDY:  Was there a sale at the fucking maggot store when they made this movie? 15 minutes after having an eye ripped out and not only is he asking if his eye is getting better, but IT’S FILLED WITH MAGGOTS. I think the majority of this movie’s $3 million plus budget was spent on maggots and that avocado aioli jizz. Do you believe they actually spent over $3 million on making this movie?? Also, did you know that there are three of these movies? 

JON:   I’m surprised it wasn’t a lot more just on actors.  They aren’t super huge names but I’m thinking they took discounts.  Not only did I know there are 3, I own them all!  If someone gags when they look under your bandage, do you need to ask if it looks better? 

SANDY:  Generally I’d say no, but he seemed a tad out of it. Did you think he was dead when Honey Pie poked him hard in the face with that fork?

JON:   No I was pretty sure he was going to come to a worse end than just silently dying from his previous wounds.   What do you do when your dead bait turns out to be live bait? 

SANDY:  If you’re a total scumfuck you pretend it’s still dead bait and keep on going with your original dead bait plan, apparently. Why didn’t anyone carefully check for a pulse before dumping all of the “bodies” into the basement, and then also again when they selected hers to strap homemade explosives to?

JON:   The monsters were Mensa monster not the bar patrons.  I’m not sure most of them even knew what a pulse is.  You morose motherfuckers? 

SANDY:  That’s a pretty great line, I like it much better than “no need to get menstrual” and “my other toy has tits”. Wait a minute… do all weiners flop around on the ground for a while after you cut them off and toss them aside? I’d like to suggest the introduction of a new blog segment called “let’s experiment”.

JON:   No, that's chickens.  Would you use Henry Rollins as a battering ram? 

SANDY:  I’d pay decent money to have him used as a battering ram against me. In all seriousness though, that might have been the best scene in the movie for me. Besides the monster peen in the door.

JON:   Did they deliver on the promise of the bartender’s death? 

SANDY:  Fuuuuck. I don’t remember how they said he would die. Yes? No? Can you refresh my memory on the bartender's life expectancy stat?

JON:   Something about a brutal death in about 70 minutes.  That Clu Gulager and he’s a goddamn legend.  He’s also the director’s father.  How badass is killing a monster by jamming your arm down its throat? 

SANDY:  After seeing what happened when Beer Guy Friedlander got slathered in green jizz aioli sauce, I’d have been more than a little hesitant to shove my arm down that thing’s throat, but the whole scene was pretty badass. She beat the ever loving shit out of that things head and knocked all of its fucking teeth out before choking it to death from the inside. She’d be first pick for my kickball team. If you had to assemble a team of 4 potentially useful humans from the lot in this movie, who would you pick and why?

JON:  Vet, Bartender, Tuffy and Heroine.  Vet was definitely a badass who never had a chance to prove it.  The others were bonafide badasses.

April Fool's Day

 We’re back and that’s no April Fool’s Day prank.  To celebrate this day for pranking your friends and loved ones, we didn’t prop a bucket full of water on the door (yet), haven’t created an intricate internet hoax (that we’re admitting to) or tricked anyone into sending us money (although we’d gladly accept).  Instead, we watched the 1986 classic April Fool’s Day.  In April Fool’s Day, a group of friends gather to party on an island in the middle of a beautiful lake but before long they are killed off.  Who is killing them and why?  Well put down the rubber chicken, read the blog and watch April Fool’s Day.

Questions

JON:  O'Reilly O’Toole O’Shea-  Do you think she’s Irish?

SANDY:  I think she was a generic pasty white white-o who was pretending to be Irish because it’s just soooooo funny for some reason? Or maybe she really was Irish and I’m the turd. Do you have any Irish in you?

JON:  That’s her name so I’m thinking she’s supposed to be very Irish.  I do not currently have any Irish in me.  Is there anything classier than sticking your tongue out through v fingers? 

SANDY:  Maybe grabbing women by the pussy? Or licking someone’s head? How many times throughout our friendship have you licked my head?

JON:   Is this equating me messing around to a sexual assault comments from a former president?  I never kept count.  How scarred would you be if someone gave you a Jack In the Box with a rat in it? 

SANDY:  Is that what that was?? I thought it was like a little Ghoulie type of creature puppet. Either way, that’s a really fucked up thing to do to a kid on her birthday. Or ever, actually. When they first brought it out in the flashback, I thought it was a little weird that they’d give what looked to be a 9-year old a fucking Jack-in-the-Box and then I was like “ohhhhhh, they were just coming together as a family to mentally damage this tiny bitch for life.” Did anyone in your family ever play a trick like that on you when you were a kid? If so, tell us more pleeeeease.

JON:   Not that I recall.  My extremely suspicious nature makes it fairly difficult to prank me.   Is Chaz Christian Slater’s brother, Jewish Slater?  He aged into Kenny Rogers’ brother Benny. 

SANDY:  Chaz is the one with the camera, ja? I didn’t immediately see the Christian Slater connection and I’m literally just now as I’m typing this getting the Jewish Slater joke. Ha! You fuck. I see their similarities better now too. Do you have a celebrity doppelgänger?

JON:   Alison claims I look like a cross between David Boreanez and Josh Brolin but I don’t see it.  Is there any way these people are going to get along on an island? 

SANDY:  I don’t see why not, as long as it’s not for an extended amount of time. How long would it take for you to start systematically murdering each of us if the whole Friday night dinner crew were trapped on an island together? Who would you kill first?

JON:   I already started but I’m not telling you who was first.  Does Rob look like Kevin Bacon’s brother Canadian? 

SANDY:  He looks like Kevin Bacon and this actor whose name I can’t remember and whose acting credits I also can’t remember because weed, had a baby. 

JON:   The correct answer is absolutely.  That guy looked like a beefier version of Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th.  How desperate does Hal come across? 

SANDY:  Who the fuck is Hal? Seriously though, who the fuck is he?

JON:   Hal is the YUPPIE/ Young Republican guy.  Do any of these guys know how to hit on a woman? 

SANDY: These dudes are about 2 mental centimeters away from actually being toddlers. So, no, they are remarkably terrible at it. Still having some success though. These chicks must be desperate. What did you do when you first started flirting with Alison? How was your “game”?

JON:   My game is impeccable.  I can go from disinterested to go the fuck away in three words.  Is that why you don’t play around with switchblades? 

SANDY:  I don’t play with switchblades because I’m quite likely to accidentally stab myself in the spleen at least. In all seriousness though, who the fuck throws an open blade directly at another person like that anyway? What’s the dumbest/most physically dangerous  thing you’ve done while horsing around when you were younger?

JON:   Why just when I was younger?  I still do dumb danegerous shit but some off the highlights were elevator surfing and the Caldor Olympics which included holding onto a forklift while it was raised and riding cardboard bales.  Do you think that only suffering an eye injury when a boat hits you in the head is lucky? 

SANDY:  I’d say so. Though I’m not exactly sure how the eye would get pulled or scraped out of the socket by getting squished with a boat in the water? Maybe the squishing itself is what could get your eye to pop out? How do you think he was supposed to have acquired that specific injury? Like, what do you theorize could have happened in a boat squishing accident that might have caused his eye to come out that way? Aaaaannnd, how did he get the special effects makeup on so quickly while also being in the water?

JON:   I imagine his eye popping out from the pressure like a grape.  He was clearly a makeup expert to apply it so quickly, underwater.  Where does the cop think they’ll go on an island after he takes their boat? 

SANDY:  Maybe he thought they’d hail a water taxi and head for Canada. Are there water taxis?

JON:   It didn’t appear to be a thing on that lake.  Did you think that hot dog was going to be a dick? 

SANDY:  My fingers were crossed, but alas, disappointed again. I’m always hoping there will be a surprise dick somewhere in the movies we watch. It’s a rare occurrence though. I don’t think we saw any tits in this movie either… did I miss movie tits or was this one just breast-less?

JON:   Breast-less.  It’s part of how it became a cult classic.  It required very few cuts so it was perfect for basic cable.  Could the wardrobes be any more 1980s? 

SANDY:  It was shot right in the middle of the decade, so they were primo 80’s. JON… DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF YOURSELF IN SOME ULTIMATE 80’s GEAR TO SHOW US???

JON:   No they were all burned.  There are a few 90s pictures floating around but those aren’t relevant.   Does this party seem even remotely fun? 

SANDY:  Wellllll, it’s no D&D night, but even just hanging out with people has the potential to be a good time. This party in particular though seems rather drippy. Have you ever been to a non-family function that was as unpleasant as this gathering?

JON:   Nope because I refuse to let it be that dull or I leave.  Would you want to be friends with any of them? 

SANDY:  Probably the ferryman. How about you?

JON:   None of them.  They’re all assholes.  Is the big house on the lake boring too? 

SANDY:  I like the house! 

JON:   The house is ostentatious and kind of ugly and dated even for the 80s.  Muffers?  Isn’t Muffy bad enough? 

SANDY:  Hahaha, if I knew someone named Muffy I’d be coming up with all sorts of ridiculous nicknames for them. Like MuffMuff, or Muffwad, or Muffin McMuffhole. Please share 3 or more of your favorite nicknames for our new best friend Muffy.

JON:   Muncher, Diver and Muffler.  You should look the last one up.  What is your favorite April Fool’s Day prank you ever pulled or had pulled on you? 

SANDY:  My Dad helped me pull a prank on my entire class in elementary school, and my teacher and the principal were all in on it. I told everyone that I knew Arnold Schwartzenegger and then we had the principal call into the classroom to announce that he was on the phone for me and that I needed to come down to the office to speak with him. What’s yours??!!

JON:   I’m not a huge prankster.  Mischief is way more my speed but I did used to get new guys at Caldor to write a poem on what the job meant to them.  Are tighty whities the worst look for a guy? 

SANDY:  No, boxers that are full of holes and so thin you can see thru them is a wayyyyyy worse look. I like tighty whities because they lower a man’s sperm count and I don’t want babies. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever owned a pair of underwear for and what condition were they in by the time you got rid of them?

JON:   Tighty whities are always the worst especially since you can see the skids so clearly.  I would estimate I had some underwear for 10 or more years.  They were in decent shape/  I would have kept them if they had still fit.  Is Hal so creepy that he makes you cover up even when you aren’t exposed? 

SANDY:   Why can’t I recall who this dude even is? Which one was he? Was he the uptight dude that wanted a job with Muffy’s grandpa or Dad or whoever it was? If so, then he’s the type of guy I’d cross the street to avoid being near in real life. What’s the creepiest real life encounter you’ve ever had with someone?

JON:   I’ve been followed home by an obsessed woman.  That was pretty creepy.  I’ve been followed by a guy trying to sell me pot, coke, heroin, guns or anything I need.  Then there was the guy that desperately needed me to tell him if Rite Aid sold porno mags.  There are many more.  I am a magnet for this shit.   Does Muffy seem to be somewhat unstable? 

SANDY:  Muffy seems like she’s got a few screws loose for sure. Even at the very very end after the big reveal. The first time you saw this movie, did you think you had figured it all out when you first started thinking there was another Muffy?

JON:   Probably not.  I first saw it around when it came out and I was probably plastered.  How awful would it be to get stuck in a trap, upside down with a snake trying to bite you? 

SANDY:  That would be fucking terrifying. That was not a friendly snake either. DID I TELL YOU ABOUT HOW I ALMOST GOT BITTEN BY A TIMBER RATTLESNAKE WHILE WALKING ON THE ABANDONED RAILROAD TRACKS WITH MAX A FEW YEARS AGO??? Because that shit really happened. That’s the day I found out we do in fact have poisonous snakes in New York. What’s the worst booby trap scenario you can think of?

JON:   Underwire bras.  Is “I really want to plow your field” a good pick up line? 

SANDY:  At least it’s pretty honest and direct. Good? No. Classy? No. An HR nightmare? Yes. What’s your best pickup line?

JON:   Your father must have been a thief because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.  That dress looks great on you but it would look better on the floor next to my bed.  I’m skilled at pickup lines.  So no more water for the weekend? 

SANDY:  Not drinkable water apparently. 

JON:   They were drinking it before they found the bodies.  It’s no less drinkable after they found the bodies.  You just have to overcome your preconceived notions of corpse water.  Did Muffy invite them to the island to kill them? 

SANDY:  She invited them there to humiliate them at the very least. Her “identical twin sister” on the other hand, sheeeee wanted to kill everyone. If you could create an identical twin of yourself, what would his name be and would he be criminally insane?

JON:   Why would I need him to be criminally insane?  The original already is.  His name would be Jon and he would be very good at my job and not require any money so I could send him to work and he wouldn’t think he deserved the pay.   Would you swim all the way back to the mainland?  Would it have taken you this long to get to that point? 

SANDY:  I’d have dove off that fucking ferry and never looked back as soon as that dude popped out of the water with his eyeball globbed all over his face. At what point would you have found your own way out of there? Or would you have made some popcorn and stuck around to see how things played out?

JON:   I never would have gone.  Those guys are assholes but if I had I would have blown before anyone died.  I’m a good swimmer.  Do girls like it when you tell them to “lighten up a little”? 

SANDY:  Yeah, you should definitely do that a lot. Especially if she’s holding a weapon or has heavy launchable objects nearby. We also love it when you call us “girls”. You fucking twat. What’s one phrase someone could say to you that might immediately send you into a violent rage, depending on the circumstances?

JON:   They’re significantly younger than me so they’re girls.  It’s an age thing not a gender thing.  If someone said I looked like I was ready to be in G.I. Jane 2 I would rage.  Could you possibly die worse than Chaz? 

SANDY:  I don’t think getting your peen cut off alone would kill you, was he also suffocated or am I forgetting some key component to the method of death for Chaz? Also, I’ve fantasized about cutting off some peens in my day and since I don’t have a peen it doesn’t seem like the worst way to die. I feel like being tied down and having my teeth pulled out one by one and my fingernails and toenails pulled out one by one and my eyes plucked out with a dull wooden spoon and having my skin peeled off and my tongue cut out and so on and so forth until my body just gave up and I died would be worse than how Chaz died. What’s the most horrific fictional way to die, in your opinion?

JON:   You should probably talk to someone about that fantasy.  It seems deeply rooted in some nasty shit.  Cutting my dick off and letting a snake bite my balls would be the worst.  Should Rob try harder to break that door down? 

SANDY:  If breaking a door down doesn’t work in a life or death scenario, you should always try harder! Seriously though, yes he needs at least a smidge more effort. Would you have realized some trickery was afoot when goobed out eyeball dude appeared in the pantry with you, or would you have continued screaming wildly for 10 more minutes like Rob did?

JON:  I don’t know about 10 minutes but I would imagine that if a guy I thought was clinging to life in a hospital suddenly appeared in the closet I was stuck in, I would be a little freaked out.   AHHHHHH April Fool’s? 

SANDY:  That would be the LAST time I ever saw any of those fucking people on purpose. Would you light the fucking house on fire as you left after all of that, or should I maybe get anger management counseling?

JON:   Probably anger management.  Are they all assholes? 

SANDY:  They didn’t seem to know about it being a joke until their own “deaths”, but going along with it after all of that definitely makes them all assholes. Except the last two who had no idea what was going on until the very end. Would you stay friends with those people after all of that?

JON:   Maybe.  That prank was the most interesting thing they’ve ever done so they could finally be fun to hang with.  Could Muffy have just told everyone what was going on? 

SANDY:  Oh my god, fucking YES. I still don’t understand why the fuck she didn’t. (I know, it was in the script.) Someone could have ACTUALLY killed another person out of the panic of self defense though. Like, I’m pretty sure I would have smashed someone’s head against a wall or the floor or something if I couldn’t find a weapon and they were coming after me or popped out from behind a door. Do you think the person who invented escape rooms initially tested them by inviting friends for dinner and then locking them up without telling them anything about how to let themselves out, and that those people just thought they were being kidnapped or held hostage by someone they thought was their friend?

JON:   Probably not.  That screams of lawsuit.  Did they all have fun? 

SANDY: Fuck no. Muffy’s a twat. JON, CAN WE GO DO A MURDER MYSTERY DINNER WITH EVERYONE AT SOME POINT???!!!!

JON: No need.  You can try to solve the mystery of which Friday night dinner friends I’ve already killed and who is next.