Happy Halloween! If you’re like me, you don’t need a movie to watch tonight because Halloween always gets watched on Halloween. Some of you may choose to observe it differently, so if you’re stuck for a movie tonight maybe check out Thir13een Ghosts. In Thir13een Ghosts, Monk, sorry, Artur Kriticos, inherits his creepy ghost-catching uncle’s all-glass house with a basement that contains 13 of the nastiest ghosts around. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill spooky ghosts but rather the super murderous kind that you can only see with special glasses. Of course, the glasses are in short supply and Arthur, his family, the nanny and some others who randomly showed up must fight to survive. Why is the house full of ghosts so terrible? Is it a sinister plot? Watch Thir13een Ghosts and find out.
Questions
Jon- Was Matthew Lillard born to play Shaggy? That’s all I can ever see him as anymore.
SANDY: I’m not totally sure I saw the live action Scooby Doo. I think mainly because I find Freddie Prince Jr to be so ungodly fucking irritating for some reason. He does seem like the perfect match for that role though.
Alison- Alison: yes he was although I never saw that. But he fits the part.
Jon- So basically their ghost capturing methods are next gen Ghostbusters methods. Does that make Thir13een Ghosts Ghostbuster 3?
SANDY- Fuck you, Jon. You fucking nerd.
Alison- Wasn't there already a Ghostbusters 3? Didn't we see that?
Jon- There was but this came out before it so Thir13een Ghosts is Ghostbusters 3 and that one is Ghostbusters 4. Did you expect Tony Shalhoub to have OCD and be Monk?
Alison- I've never seen Monk.
SANDY- I’ve also never seen Monk! I can only picture him as the Dad in Marvelous Mrs Maisel.
Jon- When someone tells you that a family member squandered the family fortune, why would you ask if we have a family fortune?
SANDY- Her main purpose is boobs and teeth, not thinking.
Alison- Because duh.
Jon- Would you live in a house like that? Is the bathroom in the basement?
SANDY- FUCK NO. I’d take one fucking look at that thing and turn right the fuck around and be on my merry way. Maybe? Do ghosts need to shit?
Alison- No. Too many windows.
Jon- If you ignore the guy warning you about the house full of dangerous ghosts, do you deserve what comes next? Do you go in the basement when he tells you not to?
SANDY- Yes, and no. That’s some bad vibes right there. Why risk it?
Alison- Fuck no.
Sandy- Have I ever told you about the huge crush I used to have on Matt Lillard? I think it stems from SLC Punk and my weakness for a Mohawkked smartass.
Alison- Not surprising at all. Haha
Jon- Did I ever tell you about the huge crush I have on Matthew Lillard? Probably stems from him being Shaggy incarnate and the association to food and weed.
Sandy- “A truck full of blood? You gotta be shittin’ me.” What was the point of that blood truck, really??
Alison- Not sure. It appeared to be bait for ghosts ?
Jon- It’s there to up the gore content.
Sandy- Is the singed portrait of his dead wife a bit much, or am I just a heartless twat?
Alison- You twat !
Jon- Both can be true, you heartless twat.
Sandy- Miss Maggie doesn’t do windows, or cook breakfast… what does she do??
Alison- Follows the rest of them around making wry remarks, apparently.
Jon- She makes a mean bologna sandwich. Cuts the crusts off perfectly and her mustard spreading is exquisite.
Sandy- What do you want to look like if you become a creepy ghost?
Alison- A drowned woman. Perpetually leaking water onto the floor.
Jon- Me.
Sandy- “Did the lawyer split?”
Alison- Hilarious.
Jon- Yes but the jury was hung.
Alison- Is F. Murray Abraham like the coolest mf or what?
SANDY- The actor? Yeah, he seems cool, but don’t anyone come at me if he’s a creep in real life because I’m not going to research his entire history right now. The character in this film? BATSHIT.
Jon- The coolest? Nope but he’s pretty cool.
Alison- Is Tony Shalhoub at all believable as Shannon Elizabeth's dad?
SANDY- Absolutely not. They’re like the same fucking age.
Jon- More believable than if he were her boyfriend.
Alison- Do you want to inherit a creepy mansion in the hills?
SANDY- Not if it looks like that. Or has angry ghosts trapped inside on purpose.
Jon- Sure but it won’t happen since I don’t have a creepy, ghost hunting uncle living in a mansion in the hills. But I’m open to being adopted by one.
Alison- Do you wish you had special glasses that show you ghosts ? SANDY- Yes. And also no? I’d be curious to see some ghosts, but I also kind of wonder if knowing they’re there would be more likely to just freak me out. I don’t want to know if some ghostie perv is watching me take a shit if there’s nothing I can do about it.
Jon- I definitely want to know if a ghost is watching me shit but that would also make me completely unable to shit again. So I guess that’s no glasses for me.
Alison- Sliding glass door death = cool?
SANDY: It reminded me of when I went to see the Bodies exhibit!
Jon- Absolutely!
Lessons
If the creepy guy warns you about the dangerous ghosts in the house, listen to him.
If you live in a glass house, everyone will see you shit.
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