August 21st is National Senior Citizens Day. There are numerous movies that could fit the day but we chose Homebodies. In Homebodies, a group of elderly people fight their pending eviction from the building they’ve inhabited for decades when a developer purchases the building with the intention of building expensive offices and apartments. Murderous senior citizens run wild, defending their homes from the developer, construction workers, the developer’s henchwoman and each other. So celebrate your elders, enjoy our blog and watch Homebodies.
Jon- Are these the best hats in cinematic history? Every single one is cool.
Sandy — Right?! Old people have the best hats because they don’t give a FUCK. The real question though is… should they call a doctor??
Jon- I think generally if you have to ask if you should call a doctor, you definitely should call a doctor. Why are movie construction workers always “hot”?
Sandy — “Hot” like sweaty or “hot” like sexy? And out of idle curiosity, which one was your favorite?
Jon- They’re kind of always both sweaty and sexy but maybe I just have a thing for that. The one they killed is the epitome of sweaty, sexy cinematic construction worker. What a waste of beefcake. When you saw Crawford on the soon to be dead construction worker’s helmet, did you assume it was his name like I did?
Sandy — I actually never even noticed that at all. Glazed right over it somehow. A whole day off, WITH A FUNERAL?!?! The fucking nerve of these lazy good for nothing construction workers, right?!?!
Jon- That’s a good strong union to get a whole day off for a funeral. I think the B movie standard is 2 hours. How weird is it that some husbands used to call their wives mother?
Sandy — It’s weird, but not as weird as if they’d been calling each other “Mommy” or “Daddy” in front of everyone. Maybe we’re just too sick and twisted to see the innocence in it. Would you have explored that noise had you been the woman working for the scumbag kicking everyone out?
Jon- Of course not. I’ve watched enough horror movies to know that you never investigate unexplained noises alone. Are the old, soon to be evicted people acting like children?
Sandy — Yeah, children of the corn. I think that’s the natural course of aging though. Everything hurts. Everything changes all around you. You can’t wipe your own ass anymore. I’d refuse to leave and throw a fucking fit too probably. Would I go on a killing spree? Maybe. Were you having the same Weekend At Bernie’s flashbacks that I was when they were dumping that chick’s body? Also, who the fuck tries to touch someone in a wheelchair and then follows the people pushing the wheelchair while screaming about how paralyzed the person in the wheelchair is???
Jon- Weekend at Bernie’s definitely borrowed that concept. The obsession with the woman in the wheelchair was strange. Maybe the person sensed something was off about the person in the chair and was calling attention to the fact they were transporting a dead body. Is killing the construction workers the best plan? It seems Crawford would be the one to off.
Sandy — Listen, these people are old and slow. The construction workers are making the noises and building the building and they’re always close by… I feel like it’s the easiest and most convenient choice for them.
Jon- It sort of reminds me of the independent contractor debate in Clerks. They’re just doing a job. They don’t deserve to die and killing them accomplishes nothing. They’ll just hire more guys and probably pay them less. Is it ever a good idea to go try to evict people by yourself?
Sandy — I feel like that points back to the arrogance and gluttony that comes with money and greed. Just no clue whatsoever that anyone could ever possibly pose a threat to you because you’re too wealthy to be touched by these peasants. EAT THE RICH! EAT THE RICH!!! Or bury them in cement I guess. Would you insult the group of people who had you trapped and hanging upside down by your feet, defenseless???
Jon- At that point, I would be saying the nastiest shit about them. It’s a hopeless situation. You know you’re done for so you might as well talk all the shit you can. Maybe you’ll piss them off enough that they do it quickly. Is the old person leaning all the way forward while driving one of the scariest drivers?
Sandy — Oh my god, yes! My grandpa used to do that whenever torrential rain started pouring down during the road trip my cousins and I took with them to Florida as little kids. I remember us huddled together in the back seat, not sure if we’d be making it there at all. It was terrifying. What’s the scariest driving experience you’ve ever had that DIDN’T result in an accident?
Jon- One time as a passenger while my dad, who was a notoriously scared and bad driver, we hit a patch of ice on the Saw Mill River Parkway. Two complete circles later, we somehow managed to not hit anything and continued on our trip, 15 miles per hour slower than the already slow speed we were traveling at. Do you think no one will notice all the people moved back into the building?
Sandy — Naahhhh, it’s not like anyone’s paying attention to that area anyway..!! So, how about that lady who hadn’t left her apartment in over 20 years, but could somehow run like the fucking wind for a 97 year old?!?!
Jon- Maybe she has a treadmill in her apartment and she ran everyday. Agoraphobes have to adapt to get exercise. Is Mattie luring Crawford with a box of prunes? How old do you have to be for prunes to be an effective lure?
Sandy — Haha, those were her SEXY PRUNES! I think it was more because of HER age that she thought prunes would be an enticing snack to lure him in. Okay, okay, hear me out… we rob a bank and make our getaway on a paddle boat? Eh?? Ehhhh?!?! I want that to be the ONLY way I escape any situation that needs escaping in my life from now on.
Jon- So you can only rob banks near bodies of water and you want to get caught every time which means you’ll probably only ever get to rob one.
Lessons
Don’t question the need, just call the doctor.
Never investigate the strange noise by yourself.
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