October 29th is National Cat Day, a day to celebrate your furry friends and shower them with fishy food and snuggles. In this house, it’s a very big deal since there are 8 of them to celebrate. It is rare that I watch a movie without at least one of them camped out on my lap. So, in their honor I watched a movie, Cat’s Eye. The cats, as they sometimes can be, were unimpressed by this effort and instead chose to beg for food. I think Cat’s Eye was a great choice, so maybe you guys will have more luck celebrating your cats with Cat’s Eye but even if your cats aren’t into it, you will be.
The Movie
Cat’s Eye is a horror anthology featuring three stories, all witnessed by a cat who will come to be named General. In Quitter’s Inc., Richard Morrison(James Woods) is a smoker who turns to a doctor for help quitting. Richard gets a sense that perhaps this isn’t the right path for him as he witnesses a man crying in the waiting room. Before long the man’s wife comes out of the office limping and she is mad. She beats the man with her purse to the amusement of the receptionist. As Richard prepares to leave the doctor comes out and ushers him into his office for a consultation. In the office of Dr. Donatti(Alan King), Richard is given a verbal and visual explanation of the company’s techniques which are unique, effective and painful to say the least. The pain will not be Richard’s though. Should he slip and have a cigarette his wife and daughter will be subjected to electric shock and appendage amputations. Richard refuses the treatment plan, thinking Dr. Donatti has accepted that he won’t be treating Richard. The problem is Dr. Donatti has no intention of letting this client walk. Quitter’s Inc. is watching him at all hours of the day, waiting for him to light up. Now Richard must quit for the sake of his family.
In the next segment, The Ledge, we have a gambling crime boss named Cressner(Kenneth McMillan). He will bet on anything including whether the cat can cross a busy Atlantic City street without getting hit. His latest bet is with Johnny Norris(Robert Hays). Johnny had been planning to run off with Cressner’s wife but as he was making his final preparations, Cressner’s goons kidnap him. Johnny is brought to the penthouse apartment of Cressner and presented with a bet. Should he win this bet, Cressner will spare his life, give him his wife and get rid of the drugs he has planted on Johnny. All Johnny has to do is successfully walk the 5 inch wide ledge around the building. If he doesn’t take the bet he’s dead anyway so Johnny reluctantly accepts and within seconds almost falls from the ledge. There are more layers to this challenge than we initially realize. Johnny encounters an angry pigeon and Cressner will attempt to win by any means including cheating. Johnny just needs to complete the bet one shuffle step at a time.
In the final segment, General, our cat friend finally finds a home and a name. He has hopped a train south and met a little girl named Amanda(Drew Barrymore) who is immediately in love and begs her mom to let him stay. Mom begrudgingly agrees but she doesn’t trust or like General. Mom is not happy though and threatens to take General to the shelter at the slightest slip up especially in regards to Amanda’s pet bird. Dad is more accepting but it’s clear mom runs the house. Amanda is having nightmares but the one night she snuck General into her room, the nightmares did not occur. The following night we learn it is not nightmares that she suffers from but a troll living in her wall is attempting to do her harm. General manages to get in the house and rescue Amanda but the troll has already eaten the pet bird and then vanishes just in time for mom and dad to get in the room. Mom is certain that General ate the bird. She launches into a tirade of I told you so’s and the next morning she scoops up General and takes him to the shelter. Mom is kind of a bitch who hates cats. Now Amanda not only has a troll problem but she also no longer has General to protect her from that ugly little fucker.
My Favorite Horror Anthologies
Creepshow
VHS
ABCs of Death
Trick R Treat
Tales From the Darkside: The Movie
Lessons
Smoking is bad for those around you. It seems like I’m harping on the dangers of smoking. Last time, it was what could happen to you and this time it is the dangers to those around you. Smoking can cause illness in those around you. In addition to illness, your loved ones could be forced to endure electric shock and the amputation of appendages as a lesson to you.
Don’t run off with the boss’s wife. Really don’t run off with anyone’s wife but especially a crime boss. They are mean and vengeful and will make you walk around a building on a 5 inch ledge.
Pigeons are dicks. Not only are they not afraid of you and shit everywhere but they will also peck your ankle as you try to circumnavigate the ledge of a skyscraper.
Cats are the first and best line of defense against a troll infestation. Cats have a unique ability to sense the presence of trolls and are ferocious in their attacks on said trolls. If you believe you have trolls, contact your local pet rescue and adopt a cat or 8. I guarantee your troll problem will be no more and you will always have a cat to snuggle with.
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