September 25th is National Comic Book Day. Movies based on comic books have become huge financial successes often filling many of the spots on the top grossing movie charts every year. Those movies get plenty of attention so we celebrated with something a little more obscure, Cellar Dweller. So break out the comics, start some shit, read the blog and then enjoy Cellar Dweller.
Trailer
Questions
Jon: I don’t know what kind of pens those are but I hate them. I always got covered in ink. What are they?
Sandy: It looked like a calligraphy pen. I love how the work comes out when someone uses them, it’s especially great for that type of comic, but I think the scratching against the paper would drive me insane. Would you use what was clearly some kind of satanic demon conjuring spell-book as direct “inspiration” for your graphic novel word bubbles?
Jon: I wouldn’t because I couldn’t draw that shit but I think it’s a reasonable source. How weirded out would you be if your art came to life?
Sandy: That would make me very nervous. I’d be surrounded by by armless women with huge asses and thighs, or worm bodies, abnormally shaped and sized mouths and eyes, and tits with nipples that did the things their hands should be doing. I’d have an army of whimsical terror. Would the newly “born” artwork have to be evil, or could it be here to do good for the world? I like to imagine that I could tag buildings and underpasses with these ladies and that they’d come alive to help fight injustice. Not like Batman fighting small time criminals, but like infiltrating governments and enforcing universal healthcare and income, ending world hunger and poverty, maybe eating the rich.
Jon: No they have to be evil. That’s the rules. If you find a dead body in your house and your explanation is that a demon you drew came to life and killed her, are you going to jail? Would anyone believe you?
Sandy: I think you’d likely end up in one of those prisons for the mentally insane and that once you were there you might be able to find people who believed your story. They’d be other inmates/patients, but I think that still counts. Why didn’t he help the chick who appeared in the basement with that demon thing he accidentally brought to life? He just ran away!!!??!!
Jon: Every man or woman for themself. You have to try to get away from the demon. In what fashion would your artwork kill you? Strangled by pendulous boobs?
Sandy: I don’t think it would have to do anything, I think I’d drop dead of a heart attack on my own. BUT IF I DIDN’T, they would most likely use their prehensile nipples to stab or strangle me and maybe eat me with their giant oversized mouths. The first time you watched this movie, did you check to see if it had somehow skipped to the end right away? It escalated so quickly, I thought something was wrong with the streaming file and that it had begun at the end of the movie.
Jon: I was a little surprised by how briefly Jeffrey Combs was in it but it made sense since he was so low in the cast. Should the cabbie have left the meter running?
Sandy: That fucking guy. He probably would have made twice as much money if he had. I would have wanted to charge HIM for the extra time he took from my life that I’d never be getting back. Have you ever had a weird cabbie experience? If so, what happened?!
Jon: I’ve had a weird experience with a cabbie caused by one of the people with me. On the way to my bachelor party, one of the guys got obliterated on pills and decided to be rude to the cabbie who was happily talking on his bluetooth. Said fellow passenger demanded, sloppily, that the cabbie should talk to us so the cabbie turned almost 180 degrees in his seat and said “I’m talking to you now.” Our man, who we’ll call Tad, responded with the meekest hello in response. But Tad was not done making things awkward in that cab. He then asked the cabbie where he could get some coke. The cabbie, perhaps wishfully thinking, tried to clarify that he wanted Coca Cola but that wasn’t the kind of coke Tad wanted. This led to an anti-drug lecture from the cabbie. The cab driver wound up getting an amazing tip as we sheepishly exited the cab, dragging a largely non-functioning Tad behind us. Will broads chew your ear off?
Sandy: If you make us angry enough. Van Gogh was smart… he knew the way straight to a woman’s heart was to cut his own ear off and save us the work later on. Seriously though, I think I’d have started screaming and run out of the cab just to get away from his fucking endless babbling. Years of working retail and being forced to deal with that shit on a daily basis has eroded my patience. Have you ever experienced a talker that’ll just keep going and going with zero participation from you, to the point where you just stay quiet to see how long they’ll go for on their own?
Jon: Oh yeah that’s kind of a regular occurrence although sometimes I think people do it to me. How long did it take you to figure out who played Mrs. Briggs?
Sandy: I saw her name in the opening credits, so I knew who she was before she ever appeared on the screen.
Jon: Do you think anyone would be there if it were up to Mrs. Briggs?
Sandy: Just that one twat Amanda maybe. She seemed pretty bitter, like maybe her artistic career hadn’t gone the way she had wanted and now she’s also older and feeling even less relevant. I think I’ve just talked myself into feeling badly for her. I know this breaks the sequential order of questions/movie events, but was Mrs. Briggs the demon the whole time? I was confused by that because it seemed that the demon was brought to life by someone giving it physical representation through artwork, but then Mrs. Briggs turned into the demon when she and Whitney were in her office and I started wondering if we were supposed to believe that Mrs. Briggs had been the demon the whole time and that maybe it was dormant in her until someone drew it to life again??? What are your thoughts on that?
Jon: Based on Mrs. Briggs’ fate, I don’t think she was a demon. I think the scene in the office was a demon induced hallucination. If the hallucinations start day one, should you stay?
Sandy: That’s a big fuck no for me. Though I can understand some people being into it because it might prompt more interesting artwork potentially. Like the people who take drugs for creative inspiration? “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Would you have been able to sleep through someone screaming at the absolute top of their lungs in the middle of the fucking night? If the hallucinations hadn’t sent me running for the hills, I think that shit would have done it.
Jon: Given my numerous sleep issues, it may be a bit surprising to know that I probably would have. Once I’m asleep, there’s very little that will wake me. Did you know that Brian Robbins, who played Phillip, directed 2 of my least favorite Eddie Murphy movies, Meet Dave and fucking Norbit?
Sandy: Ha! I did not know that. I don’t think I’ve seen either one of those movies though. Do you agree with Phillip’s sentiment that Mrs. Briggs doesn’t think much of him because he’s “brilliant”?
Jon: God no. Phillip’s artwork looked like the creation of a drunken 4 year old. I think she didn’t like him because he was kind of a tool. Does Phillip have any actual artistic ability?
Sandy: Yes. Art is subjective. Each viewer will feel their own way about a piece of artwork, no matter how it’s executed. A hyper-realistic oil painting portrait takes an incredible amount of skill to create, but it’s unlikely to elicit the same reaction from me personally as seeing an original Dr. Seuss doodle. Did Norman really just act out a scene from his story using REAL BULLETS in his real gun, and shooting an actual sculpture inside the house???? How did Whitney know so much about that gun and whether or not there were any other bullets in it?
Jon: Of course Norman did because he was such a wannabe author of hard-boiled crime noir detective novels. Whitney is clearly a ballistics expert when not ripping off other people’s comics. I think she testified in many high profile cases. Does anyone like Whitney?
Sandy: Didn’t Phillip and Lisa get along well with her? It seemed like everyone thought Amanda was a bit of a bitch though. Mrs. Briggs too. It seemed like Lisa could hear the same creature noises coming from the basement that Whitney heard, yet Lisa seemed completely unconcerned about it… would you be able to sleep and live in a house where unexplained ghoulish screeching and growling randomly came out of the basement like that??? On top of the explained screaming done by your housemate?!
Jon: I’ve figured it out so far. You should hear the noises that come from our crawl space at night made by Alison’s “Friends”. Do you think this is an exclusive art school or just a really unpopular one?
Sandy: It definitely did not seem like an art school to me. More of an artist residency. I did one of those in Vermont right after I graduated college. I loved it. Actually, I kind of wish I could live in that scenario permanently. Not the one from the movie, but the residency I actually went to. Do you think the artists who conjured the demon had any control over what it did, or do you think they drew the scenes they did because the demon had some power over them?
Jon: I think they did initially but as time passed the demon got stronger and could create its own scenes. Wait Whitney and Amanda are supposed to be approximately the same age?
Sandy: I think so, though when I was in college there were students in my year who were older. I feel like Amanda kind of looked like a middle-aged mom and Whitney looked like someone who had been working for a newspaper in New York City. Whitney kind of reminded me of the women from 9 to 5 and now I want to see Cellar Dweller remade with the characters Jane Fonda, Dolly Parton, and Lily Tomlin played in that. HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD YOU PAY TO SEE THAT MOVIE??? They would own that demon.
Jon: I would pay exactly $9.16 which is the average price of a movie ticket. Why are the pages of Colin’s book stuck together?
Sandy: … why are the pages of YOUR book stuck together, Jon?!
Jon: I dip my fingers in strawberry jam before I read. Doesn’t everyone? Would you have dropped out of this shitty school?
Sandy: I don’t consider this place a school officially. No one is “teaching” anything. Everyone just does their own thing and occasionally gathers to review each other’s works. It would be fun, and a learning experience in it’s own way, but if I had gone there expecting it to be a “school”, I’d definitely be surprised and possibly not stay? Also, demon in the basement. How did nobody hear what was going on with Amanda while she was being attacked? Wasn’t that house full of people?
Jon: Comic book demons cause deafness when you’re in their presence. Didn’t Whitney say she was creating her own cartoons? Doesn’t her work strongly resemble Colin’s still?
Sandy: I think she meant creating her own content. She admired Colin’s artistic style and emulated it, but wanted to create her own comics/graphic novel stories. Basically, she wanted to write with pictures I guess?
Jon: Did Amanda get what she deserved?
Sandy: For sure. She was a fucking gross person. Who would be in the most trouble if you could conjure an art demon?
Jon: I decline to answer on the grounds that it could cost me my job. Ever actually slipped on a banana peel?
Sandy: Surprisingly, no. I’m much more likely to trip over my own feet or shuffle my toe into the grout groove on a tiled floor and lose my balance that way. (Yes, I have actually done that.) What’s the most ridiculous way you have injured yourself?
Jon: Maybe the time I fell off a ladder at work while trying to climb onto a stockroom shelf to hide. Or when I scratched my cornea with a box flap. Broke my foot playing with middle schoolers. Plantar fasciitis from playing video games. Actually now that I think about it, most of my injuries have been the result of ridiculousness. Have you always heard that grown women sleep in the nude?
Sandy: Ask your mom. OHHHHH! Haha. Seriously though, I hate pajamas.
Jon: Are any of these art students actually talented?
Sandy: YES! Talent is also subjective! What’s your definition of talent?
Jon: The ability to create a watercolor painting that a drunken 4 year old could paint. What the fuck is going on with Lisa interpretative dance routine? Is it just the Jane Fonda workout with dolls and knives?
Sandy: “Death is sad.” What would you do as a performance art piece? It could be literally anything. THINK OF SOMETHING AND HAVE ALISON FILM YOU DOING IT PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Jon: I call it “Life Is Sad” and it’s basically just me curled into the fetal position crying about the state of things. I’ve been practicing since 1985. Why is Norman even in an art school?
Sandy: Writing is an art! Wouldn’t you want to go somewhere to write without a care in the world, leaving regular life behind for a few weeks? I guess that’s not the best example of a place to go where you “won’t have a care in the world” though.
Jon: I would do anything to leave the world behind for a few weeks so I don’t have to perform “Life Is Sad” anymore. Was her dance “hard on” you too?
Sandy: I went to school for art. I’ve seen (and probably done) things wayyyy more painful to watch than that dance. It was pretty bad though.
Jon: Why did Norman put gloves on to take Whiney’s comic strip? Isn’t the suspect pool small enough that he’d be a suspect anyway?
Sandy: The real question for me is why sneak into someone’s studio and then smoke while you’re in there? The smell of smoke lingers, so I don’t really get that if you’re trying to be subtle. Was there no blood left behind in Amanda’s room? How did Norman not see any evidence of the attack outside of the video he watched? The inside doorknob was still gone, so I can’t quite grasp on to the idea that things reset themselves after Amanda was eaten.
Jon: The demon works very hard to cover his tracks and make it look like people are just out for the day. Is Phillip’s life story interesting enough to get you to go for a walk with him?
Sandy: I’m almost always interested in hearing people’s life stories. I also quite enjoy walks.
Jon: Wait, is this a colony or a school now? Are they basically the same?
Sandy: A colony and a school are not the same in my mind, but maybe that’s because I think of a school as being more institutionally structured and rigid. You go here at this time, there at that time, you eat in this room when we tell you to, etc etc. Like prison.
Jon: Was Whitney not making any sense?
Sandy: Whitney definitely snapped her twig, but I can’t say for sure that I would have done any better in her shoes. Whitney figured out that she could bring everyone back by writing them all back into existence too, but then had to watch them all burn alive in front of her because she put their portraits into the fire with the demon artwork… why didn’t she just burn the images of the demon? And why did the demon come back after she’d burned the images? Was it just because she had imagined it again?
Jon: I don’t think burning the pages did anything to rid her of the demon and the demon forced her to throw the other drawings into the fire too. What does White Off look like?
Sandy: It looks like White Out or Gesso, JON. You creep. Soooo, if the demon was still able to reappear after Whitney burned the images of it, wouldn’t it die again after killing Whitney, since there would be no one there any longer to give it life through their imagination? Isn’t that incentive for the demon to NOT kill the artist who revived it?
Jon: I think the demon understood he had a limited lifecycle and that it was tied to how long Whitney lived. Once all the residents were dead he had nothing further to do.
Lessons
Don’t try to ruin an artist’s career. Or anyone’s for that matter even if you don’t appreciate what they do.
If there are only 5 students, don’t go to that school. It’s probably not a school but some weird place where you can summon a demon.
Don’t become obsessed with cartoonists who conjured demons. You will probably repeat the mistakes made by the cartoonist.
Don’t steal people’s art. Just don’t steal. You never know what weird demon is going to come after you.
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